Can I stop reality for once in my life?

-I think...- she sighed- I think I am scared to grow up.
-What? Why?
-Because... I don't know- she then said, turning around and making her way over to a chair, close to the main desk in the empty, small restaurant Emily, her friend, owned.
-You don't know? Then how can you tell?- Emily said, raising her eyebrows and looking at her.
She went silent for a minute. -Well.. uh... I guess I do know.
-Then?- Emily said, close to sounding desesperated.
-'Then' what? I mean, I just don't want to, that's about it.
Emily's face was missing an expression but she took a seat, just in front of her, hesitantly.
-I would like to listen to your twisted ideas.- Em complimented, giving Lisa a smile she wasn't able to give back.
-Okay... I just, I feel like there's no going back once you grow up. ¡It's know! Alice in Wonderland? She only went back once! Narnia? Grew up. Peter Pan remained a boy for a reason.
What after? What else is there? Once you're ahead, there's no going back. I want magic, I want to believe.
-But... it's not stopping and there's no where to go. That... unless you know how to travel to Neverland, I have tried at the travel agency is quite ignorant.
Lisa looked at her and then at the wooden floor.
-Besides, you never actually stop dreaming or 'believing'. You can believe whatever you want and as for magic... you can make your own, Lisa, you are quite a magical person.
She laughed and looked at her, a big smile upon her lips.- If you say so.

Sunny days.

I thought that having a broken heart was terrible. It is. Being in pain, suffering, feeling lost and unlove.
But I realized that even though It was the darkest moment, it's precisely hard to walk into the sun, being sure the sunlight will burn your eyes more than any day.
That takes guts.
So I am proud for trying. Even though sheepishly, I am still out in the sun.

Even if everyone's sure I gave up.

I know the truth to be other. I haven't. I can't find comfort in giving up. What good would that do? Then truly everything would be lost, right now it's just me.

And things can change, I still believe that.
It's only that I am tired of waiting. I have been waiting on a station, for so long I barely remember. It may not be that long... but yet, time has lost meaning somehow.
Before, when my arrival to the station was recent, I was filled with excitement every other second, knowing, being sure that anytime, every single second was an opportunity for the train that would come pick me up.

Where would it lead? I didn't know but I did knew. It would be somewhere new, different and exciting. It would lead to a better tomorrow... it felt like waiting for a space shuttle about to take off to the stars.

Can you imagine how much energy was spent? Every other second, without giving up on hopes, for days, weeks, months. Right now it has been, at least, a year.

There is no one around. People come into the station, into the platform with me but maybe five or six have actually set eyes on me. They come, they wait and even though there has been no train, they leave and not alone. And all this, I know, for I have been watching them.

It was impossible for me to stand still, 'minding the gap'. I did it anyways, for about six months. Then, I began noticing people.

And some people began noticing me.

Girls, boys about my age, younger, older walked in. They traveled in every possible way: alone, in pairs, groups, and in couples.

I have seen people grow together and grow apart. I have seen families breaking and getting back. I even dare say I have met friends, family and people who became special; yet, I am not satisfied.

After the the first nine months or ten, my knees were weak. They began rusting so I backed off and sat on an empty chair, noticing that sometimes, the platform would be alone, if not for me. Yes, not one single soul besides me.

It began getting chilly by then but my company were the sounds that came from the outside.

Every now and then, I would hear whistles and the sweet sound of a flute, people chatting and shouting and laughing and then silence would eat the sound away and then everything was calm, again.

I soon got tired of sitting, by when I knew every hole and mark on the wall, when I knew at what time it would began getting cold, when I knew the time of the sweet melodies and noise.

Day by day it was getting colder, I don't remember the difference between my hopes getting cold or my sould, I just knew I had to move.

It was the biggest train station ever, I discovered later the same month, because I could walk different ways and still get lost and found sometime later. The bright, white brick walls became blue and yellow and colorful. My friends would come in somedays and walk around with me, talk and chit-chat about their lives but then, walking around, I met someone.

A young men with soft and deep honey eyes. He had such a beautiful smile.

In time, we grew closer for he showed interest in me. Slowly, I began de-rusting and rusting again. Old layers of rust fell down as new ones came by.
And he had became as constant as my rust.
And as I have told him and the friends who come around and stay around and to my family. I will not give up. Yes, I am desesperatedly tired of waiting, it feels useless somedays but that energy did not dissapear. It's hiding, sleeping.
So rise and shine, and try again for good things come to those who know how to wait.

I am done with my graceless heart.

Today I had to go to school, formal clothes. You have no bloody idea, for someone who shops so frequently, it seemed normal to think you could find about anything in my wardrobe. Well... nope.

So now, I am obsessed. Every girl should have a dress and color blouses -even if it's one only, a plain dress (black, gray, blue) and a soft pink/blue pastel blouse- even I. I will, I am sure. Be sure people.

I learned something this week, aside from the fashion thingy oh! and I will make a manual: "How to dress formal; according to ocassions." Some people really need... well, we shall learn, everyone.

I leave you a couple of pictures taken in school, fooling around with a friend's camera and leave you as well with what I learned this week.

Somedays, days that you consider are, will be amazing, end up being horrible and days considered, thought and promised to be horrible, end up being great.

Things do change. Just not when you hope they will.

Jacket-Shoes: Primark

Trousers: Beige- Bershka

Maybe someday I'll give you guys a tour around school.